I remember the first Christmas we weren’t all together for Christmas morning. No waking up the kids (my kids were night owls), no rush to see what was under the tree, no sugar-filled breakfast, no stress-filled push to make it to the relatives on-time and will all the stuff we were supposed to bring.

It was weird, to sit in a quiet house with the dog and the lights on the tree drinking my coffee.

It was also kind of peaceful.

I also remember the Thanksgiving before the family knew we were separated and how we tried to appear like everything was “normal”. I’m not sure I had ever had such bad indigestion by the end of the day!

The holidays can be a tricky time, especially when you’re going through a divorce. With family traditions, social obligations, and high expectations flying at you from every direction, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. The good news? You don’t have to do it all. Setting healthy boundaries can make this season less stressful and more meaningful—for you and your children.

1. Prioritize Your Well-being
It’s okay to say no to invitations that feel draining. Just because you’ve always attended every holiday event doesn’t mean you have to this year. Give yourself permission to spend time in ways that replenish you—whether that’s a quiet evening watching holiday movies, a walk in the crisp air, or a smaller celebration with close friends.

2. Create New Traditions
If old traditions feel heavy or remind you of the past, it’s the perfect time to create new ones. Maybe it’s decorating cookies with your kids or having a cozy brunch on Christmas morning. New routines can become opportunities for joy and help you focus on the present instead of the past.

3. Communicate Clearly and Kindly
Family and friends may have the best intentions but not always understand your needs. It’s okay to express what works (and doesn’t) for you this season. “I really appreciate the invitation, but I need some downtime this weekend” is a kind way to set a boundary without guilt.

4. Keep the Focus on the Kids
If you have children, their well-being is top of mind. Be mindful not to overdo things in an effort to “make up” for the divorce. Kids thrive on love and consistency, not elaborate holiday experiences. Your calm presence matters more than perfection.

5. Get some help
Navigating the holidays while going through a divorce can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to. Joining a group coaching class offers a sense of community, understanding, and practical tools to the handle stress. It’s a chance to connect with others who are in a similar season and share tips for staying grounded and positive—reminding you that you don’t have to do this alone.

This season, aim to release what feels like too much and embrace what feels right. By setting healthy boundaries, you create space for peace—and maybe even joy—to make its way in.